


seventeen

by pentateen



Series: Bloom - Project [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Poor Youngjae, jaebeom is horrible in this, mentions of oral sex, no explicit content, past!2jae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15932372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pentateen/pseuds/pentateen
Summary: It was more like watching a movie from your childhood, a movie you once loved and thought of as the greatest movie of all time, and now realizing it actually was never that good. It was just a movie for children. A movie for people who didn’t have much experience with movies.___Or the one in which Jaebeom was Youngjae's first "love" when he was barely old enough to drive a car on his own.





	seventeen

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there. This is part one of my "Bloom" project. There will be ten One-Shots in total, all of them inspired by Troye Sivan's tracks on his new album. 
> 
> This one already starts off GREAT, as it's about an unhealthy relationship about a seventeen year old and a twenty-five year old man.  
> You might notice that I have not written down the story of how it started, but more the story of how it ended. I basically did that because I feel like writing that would romanticize this relationship, which I really do not want to do. 
> 
> Youngjae is being a naive teenager and Jaebeom is taking advantage of that. There is no smut in this, just the mention of sex and oral sex. I hope I achieved my goal of not making this look like a relationship between a seventeen year old and a twenty-five year old is alright because that's the last thing I wanted. I am pleased with the way this turned out and I hope you enjoy reading this little series :).
> 
> Also, listen to Seventeen by Troye Sivan while reading this! For...obvious reasons! Heh.
> 
> Thank you and goodbye!

**seventeen**

 

When Youngjae was seventeen, he had wanted to fall in love.

When Youngjae was seventeen, Jaebeom had been twenty-five.

When Youngjae and Jaebeom met, Youngaje thought he had fallen in love.

Jaebeom didn’t really think at all.

 

*

 

Youngjae had thought about what it would be like to see him again. It was not like he wanted to see him, no, he was just curious about what it would feel like. As it turned out, the universe wanted him to find an answer to this question.  

It wasn’t awkward, nor was it exciting. Youngjae didn’t feel his heart pounding in his chest like it used to when he saw him, back then. It was more like watching a movie from your childhood, a movie you once loved and thought of as the greatest movie of all time, and now realizing it actually was never that good. It was just a movie for children. A movie for people who didn’t have much experience with movies.

The plot had been fun back then, a story about forbidden love, a story about crossing over boundaries, about taking risks. But now it just felt like nothing at all.

 

It was the cafeteria of his university, where he saw him again. Youngjae was having a meal with his friend Yugyeom, when he looked at the register, thinking about maybe getting him and Yug another package of chocolate milk – when his eyes caught glimpse of someone he had not thought about in what felt like years, but had probably only been a few months.

He was even more beautiful now, older, more matured. His black hair was cut short, his ears had lost the piercings. His cat-like eyes were studying the menu and his long fingers trailed over the desk. Youngjae couldn’t help but stare. Couldn’t help but wonder. He didn’t hear what Yugyeom said and he also didn’t feel the hand Yugyeom put on his, confused about what was happening.

Youngjae couldn’t help but stare at Im Jaebeom, the man that had broken him so many years ago. And when Im Jaebeom turned his head, probably not with the intention to see Youngjae at all, Youngjae felt as if he was watching this old childhood movie and only now realized how fucked up it actually was.

 

 

 _“Do you love me?”, Youngjae trailed his fingers down Jaebeom’s chest. Jaebeom chuckled._  
“You know that tickles, Youngjae”, he ruffled Youngjae’s bed hair. Youngjae lifted his fingers and looked up at the older.  
“Oh, I’m sorry, hyung.”

_The question if Jaebeom loved him, was never answered. Not even once._

 

 

Jaebeom had been one of Youngjae’s mother’s frequent customers at the shop they owned. Apparently, so Jaebeom had said several times, there was no one who made radish kimchi quite like Youngjae’s mother.

He was working at a local auto mechanic as a clerk, something he only did because he needed the money, not because he wanted to do it. The pay was alright and so he came by the shop at least once a week.

Youngjae was only seventeen back then, Jaebeom had already been twenty-five. And yeah, Youngjae would be lying if he said he didn’t have a crush on the older male with the two cute moles above his eye, right underneath his eyebrow. He would be lying if he would have said he wasn’t always excited to see him, even hoped for him to be there, when he helped his mother at the store after school.

But with all of that, Youngjae never even once dared to think that Jaebeom would ever be interested in him, there was an eight-year age gap, Youngjae was, legally, still a child, and, what was even more important in his eyes, had never even kissed someone before, let alone had a relationship. His inexperience was made fun of by his friends a lot, something Youngjae hated, but couldn’t quite stop, not with the way he treated love.

Admitting to himself that he was rather into his own gender than the opposite one had already been frustrating and hard enough, going out too look for someone like him seemed like an impossible task.

So, no, Youngjae had not seen it coming, the months of spending his nights at the older male’s place, the early mornings he would buy coffee and sneak back into bed before school started, always coming up with excuses as of why he didn’t come home the night before.  

He didn’t see the feelings coming, the thing he thought he could call love. The hands all over his body, the reassurance that everything was okay, that he didn’t need to slow down, not with Jaebeom.

Thinking about it now, some parts of it might have been pressuring, might have been something coming close to non-consensual sex.

Back then, though, he was the younger party, he was the inexperienced one, so, of course, he had listened to Jaebeom, had slept with him after seeing him for only three weeks, had given him a blowjob in his car more than a couple of times after school, simply because Jaebeom ‘had felt particularly horny’ that day.

 

 

“Hyung?”, Yug finally got Youngjae’s attention after kicking against his lower leg. Youngjae winced and turned his head around to the younger.

“What?”, Youngjae responded, only noticing now how dry his mouth had become.

“Why are you staring at that man?”, Yugyeom nodded in the direction Jaebeom was standing in and Youngjae felt his heart skipping a beat.

He followed Yugyeom’s gaze, seeing Jaebeom still staring at him, which left people behind him in an angry mush.

“I just… he looks like someone I used to know”, Youngjae explained before looking at his own tray again.

Yugyeom frowned. “He looks like he knows you, too, though, hyung. You sure it’s not really him?”

And Youngjae thought about what to answer for a small while.

 

 

_“That’s illegal, Youngjae!”, Mark stared at him, eyes wide open._

_“How can you call love illegal, hyung?”, Youngjae had sad eyes, staring at his older friend. Mark pulled a hand through his hair._

_“You call that love?”, he asked, eyes full of worry._

_“It_ is _love, hyung”, the younger’s eyes turned back to happy, sappy, even._

_Mark knew in this moment that there was no way to explain to Youngjae, what was wrong here. Youngjae was blinded by something he thought was love, when in reality it was wrong, when in reality that man was not his boyfriend, but his predator._

_Looking at his young friend, Mark felt a deep sadness mixed with the urge to take Youngjae’s hand and leave to a far away place. A place Im Jaebeom would never find._

_“Youngjae, can I ask you a question?”, Mark’s voice was soft now._

_“Sure.”_

_“Has he ever said that it’s love?”_

_Youngjae was caught off guard then because he had never really thought about that. Well, yeah, he had told Jaebeom he loved him repeatedly and had never gotten an “I love you” back, he had just gotten kisses or “it’s late, let’s sleep”. Never even once, Jaebeom had said he loved him too._

_“Well, not in those exact words, but-“,_

_“But isn’t that exactly what love is about, Youngjae? Telling the other person how much you love them? When you’re in love, isn’t that the only thing you want to do? Yell out your feelings to the world, hold the person you love close to you, maybe even forever?”_

_Mark’s words struck a nerve in Youngjae, who kept quiet the entire time._

_“You know how much you mean to me, Youngjae, you’re like family to me. I don’t want to see you get hurt, not by someone who clearly does not love you, but takes advantage of who you are. Of you loving him”, when Mark touched Youngjae’s hand, the latter finally snapped back into the here and now._

_“You don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said, voice risen, as he stood up, knocking his chair over in the process. Mark winced, widening his eyes._

_“Youngjae-“,_

_“No, hyung, shut up! You have no idea what you’re talking about, Jaebeom loves me, he loves me!”_

_When he ran away, probably back to Jaebeom, Youngjae had already started doubting the man he thought to love._

_He arrived at Jaebeom’s place an hour later, soaked by the rain that had started falling mid-way. He looked up at the apartment complex, seeing light in Jaebeom’s one room apartment. Jaebeom didn’t know he was coming._

_After all those months, Youngjae had remembered the code to the complex, had remembered the code to the apartment itself. So, when he walked in, seeing Jaebeom cooking dinner and another male sitting at the dinner table, wine glass in his hand and smile on his lips, he wished he had not memorized the codes._

_He wished he had not met up with Mark today, had not let his words get to his head._

_“Youngjae-ah, what are you doing here?”, the shock on Jaebeom’s face was as clear as the situation in front of them._

_“Who is this, hyung?”, the other boy now asked, his soft looking brown hair swaying as he looked between Youngjae and the man he had believed was in love with him._

_“He- uh, he’s my neighbor. He sometimes comes over for dinner”, Jaebeom’s answer was like a hit directly in the stomach. Or no, directly to the heart._

_“Oh”, the boy looked at Youngjae again, a smile on his lips now, “I’m so sorry, what was it? Youngjae?”, Youngjae hated him, hated his perfect smile, hated the small dimple he had on his cheek, hated the wrinkles underneath his eyes that formed as he was smiling that perfect smile, “but today isn’t a good day, we’re celebrating our six-month anniversary, you know”, the wink that followed that statement made Youngjae want to throw up. And so, he did. He threw up right there on the carpet, making the man he hated and the man he thought he loved jump up._

_“Oh my god!”, Jaebeom shouted, running over to Youngjae, but not to help the younger out, but to look at the mess he had created._

_Youngjae looked at the older, saw how he was swearing at the vomit on his carpet, getting a napkin from his apparent boyfriend of six months, and realized how stupid he was._

_“Are you okay, Youngjae-ah?”, it wasn’t Jaebeom who had asked the question, wasn’t Jaebeom who was taking his face into his hands, checking if he was alright, if he was maybe drunk off his ass, puking in his “neighbor’s” apartment._

_Youngjae pushed Jaebeom’s boyfriend away, causing the latter to trip and fall on his butt, but he didn’t care. Instead, he turned around and ran out of the door he had just come in to._

_And that was the last time he had seen Im Jaebeom._

_Until that day._

 

 

“No, it’s not him. The person I thought he was, died long ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, hyung”, Yugyeom’s expression was horrified.

“It’s alright. I’ve been over it for a while now.”

The smile that followed was an honest one.

 

A few minutes later, Yugyeom and Youngjae left the cafeteria. And on their way out, Youngjae recognized an older male with soft looking brown hair, wrinkles forming underneath his eyes as he smiled while waving to someone behind them.

 

 

_I went out looking for love when I was seventeen_  
_Maybe a little too young, but it was real to me_  
_And in the heat of the night, saw things I'd never seen_  
_Oh, seventeen_


End file.
